I decided to start a blog because I am full of a lot of emotion that needs to get out. I honestly don't care who reads it as long as they know what they are getting themselves into. I can be quite the emotional wreck sometimes. I wanted to start this because I have been dealing with infertility, and it can be quite the journey. Full of love, hate, frustration, you name the emotion, I've felt it.
This is me, and this is what I have been going through.
My name is Sheena, I am married to Chris, and have been for 2 years now. Our hectic journey of trying to concieve started in August 2004, when i discovered that I was pregnant. At this time, Chris and I had just broken up, because i had found out that he had cheated on me at the beginning of our relationship. I hadn't moved out yet, but was in the process of making arrangments before i found out. The situation wasn't good to start out with, my dear female roomate was presuing my boyfriend at the time, and that just made it a battle. She was pissed right off that I had gotten pregnant, and tried to convince my boyfriend that i was trying to get pregnant because i was taking my temprature all the time. I laughed this off, we werent not trying to get pregnant, plus i didnt even know what temp charting was in the beginning. I think I was stressed like mad due to this girl, and I made Chris realize what this girl was doing. After her continuous threats about me to our friends we kicked her out. Later that week I had and ultrasound done, and they found 2 little tiny sacs in my uterus. One was a little off centered though, and they started to have concern. In the mean time, I am panicking because no one is telling me anything.
Apparently I had an ectopic pregnancy. I was devistated. I had no idea what that meant. It meant that they baby was growing just outside of my filopian tube, and that I had to get it removed before it ruptured. So, they treated me with some medication, and i had miscarried both angels by my 9th and a half week. And to boot, i needed a D & C.
I was unable to come to terms with it. I had no idea what had just happened to me. I figured I was cursed or something, that I did something wrong.
About a year later, I got pregnant again. by this time, Chris and I were married, and i thought that it was cute that i had gotten pregnant within the first 3 month of us being married. We told everyone we knew, we were so excited. On faithful day at the end of august, I got stung by a wasp that flew through the truck window. I am deathly allergic to just about anything with a stinger, and I panicked, I had the worst panic attack i had ever had in my life. I had made it to the hospital in under 30 minuites, but I had to get the epinephrin injection and a benadryl drip. The doctor told me that i could likely lose the baby. I miscarried within days, at about 7 weeks into the pregnancy. Again, devistated.
About 6 months later, i believe it was february, I had found out that I was pregnant, but there were a few wonders about it, I had been quite nervous about being pregnant again, so I just let time pass, until i started bleeding yet again, and yet again, this time in the hospital, I miscarried.
April, missed my period, then spotted for 3 days, had a blood test comeback that I had pregnancy hormone, but it was to low for it to be viable. Then I blead heavy for 2 days. By this time, I know that there is something wrong with me. I missed my period, and had pregnancy tests done, but wasnt pregnant. It seemed that my doctor didnt care, he told me that lots of people miss their periods, but I wasnt convinced at all. I switched Doctors, and seeked a second opinion. I was sent for blood work and an ultrasound, and found out that i had Polycystic Ovarian disease(August 2006). I was put on metformin for insulin resistance, and the very next day i got my period
By septemeber my period was late, so I did a pregnancy test, and it was positive, I had all the symptoms of a pregnancy, yet again, started bleeding a week later.
By this time, I knew something was up and was refered to a gynocologist, who said he wouldnt treat me, that I had to be refered to the reccurent loss clinic. So, finally in january I had an appointment. By this time, I am kind of used to the shock of a miscarriage, i know what to expect, what to do... Before I was fianlly put of Clomid (fertility drug to induce ovulation) I had had 2 more "chemical pregnancys" And finally, after 2 months of clomid I finally got pregnant that wasnt a chemical pregnancy. At first everything seemed to be going well, I had symptoms, a little bit of spotting, but my hormone numbers were only increasing at a rate of 72 hours, and I was a bit stressed about that. I had spotting on June 22, and went to see the doctor, who got me to do more blood work, and as ultrasound. The ultrasound technician said that she didnt see anything, so i got scared again, and finally the doctor confirmed my fears, my hormone dropped significantly, and again I miscarried.
So that leaves me here. To the point of having no idea what to do next. As i have suffered so much loss, its sad to say that I am used to it by now, but I won't give up hope, not yet, I am still young, and maybe the the 10th time will be the charm... Until next time.
However, I am sure i will be here to rant more before I even get to that point hahaha.
Don't be discouraged by this post, cause Im not.
Sheena
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