Life choices.

heres a little bit more about me.

I get a lot of flack about this, and sometimes it bothers me, but to get it out there might make someone understand something that I don't see that they arent getting...haha long run on sentence.

I have a child, I know his name, I know where he is, I know how tall he is, that he is smart, growing well...etc. "Then where is he?" Well, I placed him for open adoption.

You can think about me however you want, but remember that it was my decision, and in the end, I know it was the right one.

Nick is 5 now....Wow, that is so hard to believe that so many years have passed since that day, that i still remember as well as yesterday. When he was born, he was so perfect, 10 tiny fingers and 10 tiny toes, perfect apgar score, a little bit of a crowned head..lol. He was 7 lbs 14 oz, and born at 12:02 in the morning on February 7, 2002. I had so many visitors, people who were weary of visting me, not knowing whether I was going to crack and throw them all out. I really enjoyed my experience. I had a God aweful pregnancy, and at 17, you have no idea what to expect. I had decided on adoption when i was 5 months pregnant. Why? There are so many reasons why. My age, that was a big issue, my life style, not that i did drugs or anything, but I wasnt done yet. My boyfriend and I had recently broken up, and he had already made plans with his life that i didnt want to interfear with, but i did tell him my choice, and he agreed with me. I was also on birthcontrol, but apparently you can become more fertile on birthcontrol when you are lacking the hormones anyway...(if only i knew then what i know now).
My father was a big influence in my adoption, but i was the one who said the final say, but he had sat me down and made me realise what i may be getting myself into. I was scared, as any pregnant teen was. I have no regrets about this, I know where he is, what hes doing, his health, his lifestyle, and i tell you what, I am so proud of that boy, how smart he is...just amazes me.
The only thing i wish is that i was more involved in his life, but that is my decisison, and with all the defficulty with trying to concieve, I really hold a strong part of my heart for him, but it is difficult.
A lot of people ask me "Since you are having such a problem with infertility, why did you give him up?" Remember though, 5 years have passed, I am married now, have a life with my husband, who want to be a father as bad as i want to be a mother, it has to do with timing, and the obvious fact, that i didnt know that i would never have another baby at the time. Sometimes, i wonder if i am being punished or tested, but really, i just think its all about timing.. Again, i will never give up trying to have another child, but at the same time, i don't regret any life choices I have or had made.