Almost There!!!

This coming Friday I will be 29 weeks. My OB is beyond the moon that we have made it this far, stating also that our magic number is 32, which means I can deliver at the level 1-2 nicu and that she will also be the one doing it, instead of the level 3 hospital. She said that the baby could really come at any time now and since I have had the steroids, they wouldn't stop it. She is measuring a little ahead of schedule, no info on that though, just what she said. The scary part is my cervix is down to 1.7cm, which is quite low for my gestation and means that I am at quite a high risk for preterm delivery. If all is well, we will be induced at 38 weeks, which is just over then 8 weeks from now, after May 25th. That is amazing that we are sooo close to meeting this little girl. We will also be getting another ultrasound at 30 ish weeks. I am currently 28w/5d along.

Still Can't Catch a Damn Break...

I just cannot believe what this freaking pregnancy has put me through. 27 weeks of hell, being dragged back and forth threw deaths door for both of us. I just don't know what more I can handle.
Today I got a call from the OB. Last Monday, the 12th, I did a glucose screen, which I failed, as most people do. My peak number being 9.9mmol/l or 180mg/dl. So I was sent to do my 3 hour test on Friday. Fast being 4.6mmol/l or 84mg/dl, peak being 11.4mmol/l or 207mg/dl, and fall being 7.6mmol/l or 138mg/dl. I was told I was going to be sent to the diabetes clinic here. I have been pregnant so many times and have never had this issue. I haven't gained any weight in this pregnancy, I have been eating the healthiest I have ever eaten, and I have been watching every step I take. I am so pissed off that I have yet another craptastic ailment to add to the effing chart.

Can't Seem to Catch a Break

I got out of the hospital on Friday, March 2nd and was feeling great, other then this horrendous pain in my inner thigh/hips from lying down so long. The "feel better" lasted about 2 days, when on Sunday I got this raging chest pain, so bad that hubby called 911, both of us thinking it was heart related. Off to the Foothills we went, again.
Luckily, this time, I was only there for 2 hours, all my blood and heart tests came back normal. The OB oncall said that I may just have soft tissue issues in my back from laying down for so long. They were going to do a chest x-ray but nothing ever came of that.
Tuesday I started getting this nasty cough, it hurt so bad, and I tasted blood every time I would cough. Then my throat got sore, I got a headache, my nose was so stuffed and I started getting a pain in my ears like someone was shoving a burning q-tip in there and this pressure under my ribs and because of the pain I had the past Sunday, everytime my body would ache or I would start sweating, I would have a panic attack. It was awful. I made Hubby take me to the doctor, because the Tylenol cold I was taking was making the baby stay awake in my tummy for hours and hours, poor thing didn't have a break for 12 hours.
So I finally got to the doctors by Friday, and I was checked out. Turns out I have a duel ear infection, sinus infection and likely a chest infection.
After a damn week of IV antibiotics and a 3 days out of hospital prescription that I finished on Monday, I still managed to catch this nasty infection! I am not on Biaxin for 7 days, and last night, after 5 hours of my first dose, i felt so much better. But was still unable to sleep. I am still getting panic attacks, but not as frequent, and the Biaxin doesn't make the baby anxious. Shes quite pleasant today.

On top of it all, Chris went back to work on Thursday, and that was the first night of no sleep and extreme sickness, so I was very much on my own. Taking care of a 3yr old while feeling like you're on deaths door is not fun.

A Bump in the road. Hospital time.

On Monday, February 27th at approximately 10am, I lost my mucous plug. It scared the bejebus out of me. I know that sometimes they regenerate, but 24 weeks is really early for that. Right after that, I started to cramp real bad on my lower half, like menstrual cramps. I called the OB and madly panicked to the receptionist, who tried to calm me down and told me to go to Labor and Delivery at the local hospital, about a 10 min drive from our house. I called Chris to come and get me...And so starts the week.

I have had a lot of issues and scary steps in this pregnancy, but nothing as scary as this was. We arrived at the hospital and I had to wait for them to let me in, it was really busy and they needed to clean a bed. I sat in a wheel chair, I was in so much pain. I finally get in and settled. The baby was good. Her heart rate kept jumping a little, but she was ok. I was registering contractions on the monitor, and when the resident doctor checked my cervix, it was funneled...they didn't say this, they said it was opening... So, my heart starts racing, thinking, omg omg omg, shes to little, we can't do this!!! They told me they were going to do steroids and start me on something called Trebuline and hopefully that will stop the cervix from opening and get the contractions to stop. The steroids are called beta methasone, and you get two wonderful doses in 24 hours.
So they gave me the first shot at 1pm and I thought I was going to die, it was the most painful thing I have ever had done to my hip. Not really, I just wasn't expecting a burning sensation.
By this time, I am in what is called threatened labour. My stitch is holding for the time being, the trebuline stopped my contractions and so far my cervix has just started to funnel, nothing more. If it stays that way, they are going to leave the stitch in and hope that the contractions don't continue to open. I am also told that I am being transferred to the Antepartum unit at the Foot, which is out main general hospital with a level 3 nicu and is right next to the Alberta Childrens Hospital. If anyone was equip to deliver a micro preemie, it was them. I got to take an ambulance over, it was pretty neat, I had a couple of fantastic ems people. It was quick and painless.

So, we get to the Foot (other hospital) and I am told I have chorioamnionitis. Um, no one mentioned that at the other hospital. But I was having intense pain through-out my uterus, my urine was sky high in white cells and blood and my white blood cell count was at 16....I don't know what the norm is.. So they figured this. Then when they did the ultrasound, there was no indication at all of the chorioamnionitis. They said they wanted to be sure (perinatal doctors) but would have to preform an amnio, but at this stage in pregnancy they didn't want to, especially since I could be something else and the baby needed some growing time. But if it wasn't something else, they were going to have to deliver me. Ok, thats ok.

I met with the NICU doctors who told us all about preemies and what to expect at such a little age, and her survival rate, which was pretty good in my eyes. The made it sound pretty and easy and cheery...I told them to stop and tell me the real stuff, the scary stuff. And they did. And its pretty terrifying to think that a human being could live through, or nearly not, brain bleeds, lung collapsing, heart surgery, bowel surgery. Scary stuff.

So, after a few rounds of antibiotics the pain in my uterus went away. The nasty discharge I had went away, and the only pain I had was in my lower half, my bladder area and my back. So they decided on testing for bladder issues. Turns out I had a raging infection in both my bladder and kidneys...

After we were certain that baby was ok, growing and strong, that my cervix was in place, unchanged and still stitched, they sent me back to the other hospital to live out the next few days on mixed antibiotics and fluids. I am so thankful that the bump in the road was nothing more then an infection that was NOT within my uterus. I am thankful she is still inside of me and growing (she started at 1.6lbs on Monday, up to 2lbs today)And that we are on our way out and home to rest and relax. I still have atleast another day here though, if not 2. But its not to bad, as long as I can sleep.

Thanks to those who did know and for all the prayers you sent, I believe you have saved us once again. We are so appreciative.
I would also like to say Rest in Peace to an old friend who passed away on the 25th of February, Matthew Acton. To his family, I am so sorry for your loss, he was a great person.

The Ultrasound Tech was Wrong!

We went for our Fetal Echo today, to find out that our little princess does in fact has 3 vessels and 2 arteries in her umbilical cord. I can not tell you how relieved I am, and that she is perfect and healthy and growing well. She is measuring a week behind, but she is still within range, no lower then 21w4d. The technician I had today was a seasoned tech, she knew exactly what she was looking for. We also confirmed that she is a lady. Although they didnt let me keep the picture of her showing them off. I think its for legal reasons? But she has the 3 lines and no penis, so yeah. Happy happy happy Now we really have nothing to worry about, thank the Lord.
A good friend of mine offered to throw my baby shower, so excited to plan that. We are getting together this week to start planning. Not intending to have it until the end of April.
Isaac has learned to dress himself. I went to get his the other morning from his room and he was fully dressed and stated proudly to me "Look! I'm Handsome!" You sure are buddy. I love my little family.

The Hormonal Fog is Clearing

Wow, I was in a pretty dark place the other day. I had a bad 3-4 days there, just feeling like my world was crashing down on me. Luckily I was able to vent to a friend and get it all off my chest, and I have felt so much better since. Hubby and I had a good chat and spent some alone time together too last night. I have just had so much on my plate without the ability of taking a break and it was just piling on top of me.
Today was a good day, Isaac and I went down to our lower lever (we have a 4 level split) and helped me put the nursery together. He helped take packaging off bottles and such, we organized the shelf in the babies room, and we cleared the clutter out. He was such a big help. 3 is such a good age. It was a nice break from sitting on the couch sucked into the computer or TV for the time we were down there. We then played with some toys and I watched him ride his bike in circles in the basement. When I feel the nursery is almost complete, or when hubs finally brings the crib over from his parents basement and we set it up, then I will take pictures and post them of the nursery. Have my fetal echo ultrasound on the 13th, so I will update then. ttfn :D

10 years, pregnancy depression and grief.

10 Years ago, February 7th, after 36 hours of irregular contractions, slow progress and 7 hours of pushing; I welcomed my first born child into this world. He was 7lbs and 12oz, he was long, had giant hands, a beautiful smile, blue eyes and blonde hair. He was the product of two people, who when he was conceived, loved eachother very much, but grew apart and lived seperate lives. His mother was a 17 year old highschool drop out who was not ready to let go of her daddy and become a mother on her own. She made mistakes and took highschool love for granted. She made the hardest decision in her life to give this child everything she could not give him. If you could raise a baby on love, we would have been set. I had so much love for him. I placed him for open adoption. I named him, Michael Brennen, I recieved documents with his name on them, I kept his bracelets, blankets....but this loss of a child, though I took it all home in a box, I was able to see whenever I please. I didn't. I completely disassosiated myself from him, afraid of interfearing. I did go to his christening, I hosted to a presentation at my old highschool about adoption with him and his adopted mom, since it was so taboo there. He was only a few weeks old, maybe 4 months at the most. Then I didn't see him until his 1st birthday....Then not again until he was 5. Not that I didn't keep in touch. But as I said, I was afraid of interfearing.
For some reason I find this incredibly bittersweet. It was as if my adult life started me out for loss. This loss is not one I have ever gotten over though. It still hurts, but its a different hurt, the pain isnt sharp anymore, its a dull ache in my heart that only apprears sometimes.... But it does mark an entire decade of trying to become a mother....I have more or less been pregnant for 10 years. We have a good relationship now, especially since having Isaac, they share an awesome bond.
On the topic of loss. I am hurting more and more each day. I feel selfish for grieving over Alexander. That I am not allowed to for some reason. But, I have reached that point of inability to hold it in anymore. I cry, and I am angry and I hate it. My eyes are never dry, and my heart aches all the time. My husband doesn't get it. It sucks to feel this way all the time.