Getting mentally sick of pregnancy limbo.

Omgoodness, I am so sick of this...
So, on Easter Sunday, April 24, I passed some tissue, which is normally a huge indicator of miscarriage, then I had a day of somewhat heavy bleeding... However, I now feel excellent, I have minor cramps that feel like normal pregnancy related cramps, my breasts are sensitive and my moods and sense of smell are through the roof. Hubby thinks I may of had a cyst or fibroid that my body really did not want in the baby zone. I am still cautiously optimistic, I still have no feelings towards this pregnancy, I am numb to it, but I am so sick and tired of going through this, I wish it would happen or I would stay pregnant, I wish it wasn't a 12 hour wait at the hospital to get an ER ultrasound, I wish doctors showed more compassion towards women who think there is something wrong with their babies. I just want this horror to be over, to know for sure, to see a heartbeat or not see it, and to move on with my life. I have my final blood test on Monday May 2nd to see if the numbers are still raising. If they are then I wait for an ultrasound until my nuchal scan somewhere around 12 weeks, but I am going to plead with my doctor that I need something done now before I go nuts and do something stupid, because my emotions are really sick of being toyed with. I get results on Tuesday, if I have time to, i will update then, or Wednesday.

WTF? I am so confused.

I went and did some bloodwork on the 18th of April, just to make sure my numbers were ok or going down, low and behold, they raised!!! Right where they should be for how pregnant I am, so freaking amazing! I am still being cautious, I have cramping, and ms.klutz that I am, fell down my bff's stairs at her babyshower on Sunday, so I am hoping the pain I have is just from falling and not from losing the baby. But as far as I am concerned and the doctor; I am pregnant, and if anything happens from this point on, I really can't stop it from happening, so enjoy it while I have it. I have made it at a good point as far as my losses are concerned, I will be 7 weeks tomorrow. Yay. :). I have another bloodtest on May 2nd, and also have to do a glucose tolerence test the same day, then I have to get an u/s booked. Will update as I know more :).

Again....Sigh

So,I started getting this annoying cramping, and had some pink staining, nothing that I was to worried about, until yesterday when I lost all of my symptoms and started bleeding and passing clots. Sorry, TMI, I know. But its whats going on. I think it is safe to say, with the amount of pain I am in, that I am miscarrying yet again. I'm kind of numb, I am upset but not...Its hard to explain, maybe because I really don't have time to crawl into a ball and cry my face off? I don't know. We have decided I am going to lose a bunch of weight again and see if I can get my cycles to return without the help of birthcontrol pills. On top of it all it rained then snowed that heavy snow last night, I found it kind of ironic.
Anyhow, have a thyroid appointment today. Just a regular check up for nodulars (Its genetic). I hope that can atleast give me good news.

Miracle, Enter Stage Left

So, I had an ultrasound on April 6th, with no expectation to see anything at all, I knew it was way to early, and the ultrasound tech said that it was way to early to see anything. I lied there for nearly an hour while the tech took pictures of every square inch of my uterus. I had an appointment on Saturday with Dr.Moron to get the results, and I was so nervous. I sat there expecting the worst, or for him to tell me there was nothing and that this pregnancy is a write-off....Low and behold; they found a small cluster of cells which indicated that I was 4weeks and 3-6 days within my womb.....I am so relieved. I know that that doesn't mean we are out of the woods, but it does me that there is a pregnancy in there. My doctor is going to repeat the blood work on the 19th and then we are going to book another ultrasound if the numbers are going up.I am getting back spasms though, I assume it is from the progesterone. In the mean time, I am just going to live my life. I have lots of exciting things coming up, hosting my bff's baby shower next weekend, so that's really exciting.
My hubby, father-in-law and son all went on a boys day out yesterday and they took Isaac to go see some classic cars, had lunch, then went to check out the Okotokes Wal-mart (Small town outside of where we live) And Ikey saw the bikes, and convinced his papa, with those supersweet eyelashes and pweeeeese, that he needed a bike. So when hubby came to pick me up from my bff's yesterday he surprised me, and I cried a little, we were going to get Isaac a bike next month due to finances, and now I don't have to worry about it anymore. Still have to get a helmet before we explore with it, but I let him try it out outside yesterday, and I let him sit on it in the house, haha. Pretty neat.

"Pregnancy Limbo" being Pulled Through the Ringer.

So, I am currently in "Pregnancy Limbo", I have no idea if I am viable or not, The doctor threw-in that the Obgyn that he consulted with doesnt think I am having a viable pregnancy due to my progesterone level being so low...???? As far as I know it is really good! so I don't know whether everything is ok or not... I had an ultrasound on Wednesday the 6th, and they didn't see anything, which I knew they wouldn't, I am only 5 weeks pregnant with low bhcg numbers, you need to have a beta of at least 1000 to see even a gestational sack. I don't understand why the doctor isn't running more bhcg tests, but I have decided to go see another Dr. this one is a moron, and though I have known that for years, it is becoming more apparent. Anyhow, let you know as I know.