Is this Fear?

I have been having a lot of overwhelming feelings lately. I don't know why. It could be hormones I suppose. I was told many years ago that it was likely I couldn't carry girls, but then again, I was also told that I would never have a baby, and Isaac is proof that I obviously can. Everything almost seems to good to be true. I still have so much time left, but considering how quickly the first half of this pregnancy went, I am sure that the second half will go just as quickly. I notice that since I take things day by day that it goes by a lot quicker. I don't panic about ultrasound until 3 or so days before, where as before I would obsess about them. I am scared, genuinely, and I guess I have every right to be. The baby is very posterior, although I have an Anterior placenta, the baby likes to hang out in the back, which means now that she is bigger, she likes to hide, and I can't feel her, so nearly daily I go through this obsessive, "OMG she hasn't moved, she must be dead" Which I know is not true, she's fine, I just can't help it.
My fetal echo-cardiogram has been scheduled for February 13th, again a Monday, I will be 22 weeks and 3 days along. I am a little nervous about it. The lady who called me about it told me it will take about and hour and a half, which makes me a little nervous, last time I had an ultrasound I started getting really bad pains in my back and ribs from laying there for so long. There is also the fear that they may find something wrong, which will just break me down, I know its a possibility, but it hurts to think that we have gotten this far, and that I finally get my girl, that what if?! Push it back, push it back.... Ugh.
I think being pregnant has also put my grieving for Alexander on the back burner. I remember when Isaac was born, the first 3 months of his life I grieved for all of my losses prior to him, I cried knowing that I would never know what they looked like, or who they would be. Isaac was so perfect in my eyes that it made it so hard to not imagine. And I am going through that again with Alex, but not letting myself get to upset about it because I know the stress is no-good for the baby. It will suck, and I will probably had PPD because of it, not only because I will grieve but that it will also be close to a year ago that it happened.
Anyhow, just getting what I needed too off my chest.

Playing for team...PINK!!!

We had our anatomy scan today, 18 weeks and 3 days along. I asked the ultrasound technician to let us know whenever she got there. She did it so non shelontly, I had no idea what I was looking at, and shes says "My guess is a girl". I said, you guess?? Because of lack of boy parts? And she said "Nope, I actually see girl parts". I melted. I am still in shock. A girl?! I have never had a girl before! What am I going to do?! Lol.

As for the other parts of the scan, we also found out that the baby, who should normally have a 3 vessel cord, has a 3 vessel cord, but only 2 are working. They saw a single umbilical artery. This means that we may face some problems later, but then again, we may no. Everything else appreared normal, and thats a good thing. I am being refered for a fetal echocardiography in the near future, and will be getting at least 2 more detailed scans at later dates to be sure that the cord is functioning normally and that the baby remains healthy. For now, I am just going to take it as it comes, I am not concerned yet, not until I have to be, and I am trying my best not to google it so I don't freak out about it.

My cervix today measured 4.3cm. Excellent.

Anyhow, thats all the update I have for now. Baby looks like Chris, lol.